How to Overcome Female Arousal Problems and Improve Intimacy

Female Arousal Female arousal or how turned you feel sexually is not necessarily an indication of how much you care for your partner – many other factors come in to play.

Female arousal problems are an issue for many women. Unfortunately these problems and solutions are often not openly discussed.

Read on to learn:

  • What is female arousal and how it differs from male arousal
  • What causes decreased female arousal?
  • Simple practical tips and techniques to improve female arousal

What is Female Arousal?

Female arousal refers to a woman’s level of sexual readiness. There are two components to female sexual arousal:

  1. The female brain’s sexual response to some form of stimulation e.g. a response to a sexy thought, physical touch or a feeling of closeness to your partner.
  2. The female physical sexual response that gets your body ready for sexual activity e.g. increased blood flow to the vagina, increased clitoris sensitivity along with other physical changes such as increased heart rate and breathing rate.

Arousal Differences Between Men and Women

The most obvious difference between male and female arousal is that male sexual arousal is accompanied by visible erection as blood engorges and becomes trapped within the tissues of the penis.

Female arousal time is typically longer than that of a male. This means that a male partner will often need to understand that his female partner takes longer to become fully aroused. The speed of a woman’s arousal can vary from one day to the next. Speed of arousal can be influenced by a variety of factors including a woman’s hormones, feelings towards her partner, stress and energy levels.

What Causes Decreased Female Arousal?

There are many factors that can influence female arousal. These include:

Emotional factors:

A woman’s sexual arousal are often affected by her emotional state. If she feels tired, upset, distracted or anxious she may be less likely to respond to sexual stimulation than she might usually.

Physical Factors:

  • Vaginal dryness can make intimacy uncomfortable
  • Pelvic pain with pelvic floor muscle spasm can make intimacy a very painful experience for a woman
  • Partner skill in arousal techniques
  • Diabetes may be a factor causing arousal problems in some women

Lifestyle factors:

  • Smoking
  • Alcohol
  • Drugs

How to Improve Female Arousal?

Every woman is different and what helps one woman to feel more aroused will not necessarily help the next. A range of factors can promote female arousal – there is definitely on one fits all solution and sometimes it will take trial and error and a combination of techniques.

Cognitive and Emotional factors:

  • Feeling appreciated – a few words of appreciation or a small gesture of thanks
  • Feeling respected – showing regard or admiration
  • Feeling connected to your partner – taking the time to talk and be together
  • Self confidence – understand her insecurities and use honest praise
  • Positive body image – show honest appreciation and avoid cricism
  • Relaxation – setting the mood and taking the time
  • Reassurance – understanding self doubts and reassuring

Physical factors:

  • Pelvic floor strength and fitness – regular Kegel exercises can improve a woman’s sensation during intimacy and overall enjoyment
  • Energy levels – adequate rest is an important requirement
  • Vaginal lubrication – natural personal lubricant can improve comfort during intimacy and reduce vaginal irritation
  • Vaginal health – pelvic floor exercises, lubrication, vaginal moisturiser
  • Touch and massage – this doesn’t need to be erotic to arouse or alwyas be associated with the expectation of intimacy
  • Hormones- testosterone can help boost libido in some women and vaginal oestrogen can nourish intimate tissues and make intimacy more comfortable. You may choose to speak with your doctor about your hormonal status.


  • Timing intimacy when relaxed and unhurried

Self awareness:

  • Explore own arousal triggers (emotional, physical or cognitive)
  • Know when you are not aroused and what turns you off or decreases your arousal
  • Don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty about low levels of arousal – lack of  arousal doesn’t mean you no longer love your partner


  • Communicate your own wants and needs with your partner with kindness and respect
  • Work with your partner towards a satisfactory sex life for you both.
  • Focus on what you and your partner can do together and share, rather than what you can’t

Female arousal is a common and yet frequently unspoken problem in relationships. As you can see, many physical, cognitive and  emotional factors contribute to a woman’s overall sexual arousal and readiness. Understanding your own or your partner’s sexual readiness, and knowing  those specific factors that affect arousal can help to make positive changes to help overcome female arousal problems. Professional help  for ongoing female arousal problems is often available for women in the form of counselling/ therapy.

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